How Do I Hold a Brave Conversation?

What is a brave conversation?

A brave conversation is a constructive conversation about an issue that matters. It may feel uncomfortable because the topic has emotional weight, the stakes are high, or the relationship could be affected. However, it is still approached with respect, preparation and a clear intention to improve the situation.

In many organisations, these conversations are called difficult conversations. That phrase is useful because it recognises the discomfort. The phrase brave conversation goes a step further. It focuses on the behaviour required: honesty, empathy, listening, accountability and the willingness to address the issue rather than avoid it.

A brave conversation may include:

• giving feedback about behaviour or performance;
• addressing tension between colleagues;
• challenging a dismissive or inappropriate comment;
• talking about workload, wellbeing or pressure;
• discussing change, uncertainty or team expectations;
• resetting boundaries, roles or responsibilities;
• raising concerns about inclusion, respect or culture.

Why brave conversations matter at work

Brave conversations matter because silence can carry a cost. When managers avoid honest feedback, people may not know what needs to change. When colleagues avoid raising concerns, resentment can build. When leaders avoid naming uncertainty, employees may fill the gap with speculation. When poor behaviour goes unchallenged, it can start to feel normal.

For L&D professionals, brave conversations sit at the centre of management capability, leadership development, employee relations, psychological safety and culture. They are not simply a communication technique. They influence whether people feel able to speak up, ask questions, admit mistakes, challenge constructively and work through disagreement.

The need for these skills is supported by wider workplace evidence. The CIPD Good Work Index 2024 reported that a quarter of UK employees had experienced workplace conflict in the previous year. The Acas guide to challenging conversations also gives practical advice for employers and line managers on preparing for and handling difficult one-to-one conversations at work.

That does not mean every concern should become a formal process. Many workplace issues are best addressed early, calmly and informally, before they escalate. However, a brave conversation should still be handled carefully. Where the matter relates to serious conduct, grievance, discrimination, harassment, safeguarding, legal risk or policy requirements, managers should involve HR and follow the organisation’s procedures.

Before the conversation: prepare properly

A brave conversation should not begin with a rush of emotion. Preparation helps the person leading the conversation separate facts from assumptions, choose useful language and reduce the risk of blame or defensiveness.

1. Clarify the real issue

Start by asking yourself: what exactly needs to be discussed? Be specific. “Poor attitude” is too vague. “Interrupting colleagues in project meetings” is clearer. “Lack of commitment” is an interpretation. “Missing two agreed deadlines without updating the team” is observable.

Useful preparation questions include:

• What happened?
• What did I observe directly?
• What have I assumed?
• What impact has this had on work, people, trust, safety or culture?
• What outcome do I want from the conversation?
• What does the other person need a fair opportunity to explain?

2. Check whether this is informal or formal

Before holding the conversation, consider whether the matter is suitable for an informal discussion or whether HR guidance is needed. A conversation about a first missed deadline may be informal. A conversation about repeated misconduct, bullying, harassment, discrimination, grievance or serious performance concerns may need a formal route.

Acas guidance on workplace investigations explains that in disciplinary or grievance cases, employers should follow a fair procedure and carry out a reasonable investigation before decisions are made. See the Acas guidance on investigations at work for further context.

3. Choose the right time and setting

Privacy matters. A brave conversation about behaviour, feedback, conflict or wellbeing should not happen casually in front of others. Choose a setting where both people can speak without unnecessary embarrassment or interruption. For virtual conversations, check that the person has time, privacy and the right conditions to engage properly.

4. Prepare your opening, not a script

A script can make a conversation sound stiff or defensive. A prepared opening is different. It helps you start calmly, name the purpose and set a constructive tone.

A useful opening structure is:

1. Name the purpose: “I want to talk about something that has come up in the last few meetings.”
2. State your intention: “My aim is to understand what is happening and agree how we move forward.”
3. Describe the issue: “I have noticed that two colleagues were interrupted before they finished raising concerns.”
4. Invite their view: “Can I hear how that felt from your perspective?”

How to start a brave conversation

The first few sentences matter. They influence whether the other person feels ambushed, blamed, respected or invited into a serious discussion. A strong opening is calm, clear and human.

Use a clear opening sentence

For example:

“I want to have a conversation about yesterday’s team meeting. I noticed something that may be affecting how people contribute, and I would like us to talk it through properly.”

This works because it gives the person a topic, a reason and a tone. It does not start with accusation. It also avoids the vague and anxiety-inducing phrase, “We need to talk”, without context.

Explain your intention

Intent matters, but it should not be used as a shield. Saying “I only mean this kindly” does not excuse careless feedback. A better approach is to state the purpose of the conversation in practical terms.

Useful examples include:

• “My intention is to understand what happened and agree a better way forward.”
• “I want to raise this early so it does not become a bigger issue.”
• “I want to be honest with you because the issue matters.”
• “I want us to discuss this respectfully and focus on what needs to change.”

Name behaviour, not personality

Brave conversations should focus on behaviour, impact and expectations. Avoid labels such as “lazy”, “negative”, “rude”, “difficult” or “not a team player”. These tend to trigger defensiveness because they sound like judgements about character.

During the conversation: listen, respond and stay constructive

A brave conversation is not a speech. Once the issue has been named, the quality of the conversation depends on how well the person leading it listens, responds and manages emotion.

Ask open questions

Open questions help uncover context. They also signal that the conversation is not simply a verdict. This is particularly important in workplace situations involving performance, workload, stress, change, disability, health, caring responsibilities or misunderstanding.

Useful questions include:

• “Can you talk me through what happened from your point of view?”
• “What did you understand the expectation to be?”
• “Was there anything that made this harder than expected?”
• “How do you think this affected the rest of the team?”
• “What support or clarity would help?”
• “What would you do differently next time?”

Listen for facts, feelings and needs

In difficult conversations, people often listen only for whether they agree. A braver approach is to listen across three levels:

• Facts: what happened, when it happened and what evidence exists.
• Feelings: what emotions may be present, such as frustration, anxiety, embarrassment or defensiveness.
• Needs: what clarity, support, boundary, accountability or next step is required.

Listening does not mean agreeing with everything. It means taking the other person seriously enough to understand the context before deciding what should happen next.

Acknowledge emotion without losing the issue

Emotion is not a sign that the conversation has failed. Many brave conversations involve discomfort. The skill is to acknowledge emotion without abandoning the purpose.

For example:

• “I can see this is frustrating. Let’s slow down and work through it.”
• “I appreciate this may be difficult to hear. I still think it is important that we discuss it.”
• “I do not want this to become about blame. I want us to understand the impact and agree what changes.”
• “Let’s take a moment. I want to make sure we continue this respectfully.”

Stay specific when the conversation becomes defensive

Defensiveness often appears when people feel attacked or misunderstood. A useful response is to return to the specific behaviour and impact, rather than arguing about personality or intention.

If someone says, “So you think I am bad at my job?”, a constructive response might be:

“No, that is not what I am saying. I am talking about the last two deadlines and the lack of update to the team. I want to understand what happened and agree how we prevent that happening again.”

After the conversation: agree action and follow up

A brave conversation should not end with a vague sense that “we talked about it”. It should end with clarity about what happens next. This does not always mean a formal action plan, but it should mean both people understand the outcome.

Agree what will change

Depending on the issue, the next step may involve a behaviour change, further support, clearer expectations, a check-in, mediation, HR guidance or formal action. Be clear about what has been agreed.

Useful closing phrases include:

• “What we have agreed is…”
• “The next step from my side is…”
• “The next step from your side is…”
• “Let’s check in again on Friday to see how this is working.”
• “I will summarise what we have agreed so we both have the same understanding.”

Follow up appropriately

Follow-up is where trust is either strengthened or weakened. If a manager says they will provide support and does not, the conversation loses credibility. If a colleague agrees to change a behaviour and nothing changes, the issue may need to be revisited. If the matter has formal implications, documentation and HR advice may be necessary.

For L&D professionals designing training, this is an important point. Learners should not only practise how to open a brave conversation. They should also practise how to close it, summarise it and follow up without becoming either controlling or vague.