New Year’s Resolutions. Started by the Ancient Babylonians, but still a stick we’re beating ourselves with over 4000 years later. The ultimate false start as the clock ticks past midnight into the new year and we tell ourselves that this year, we resolve to do more – or less – of something we didn’t manage to achieve in 2022. Well, it was a difficult year, wasn’t it? I mean no wonder we didn’t manage it. 2023 will be totally different. We’ll be different. Right?
Cue: unrealistic demands, lack of achievement, sense of failure and general damage to self-esteem as we fall off the wagon within hours of getting on it.
The dictionary says a resolution is ‘a promise to yourself to do or not do something’. Well, promises are made to be broken, aren’t they? It’s no wonder that as soon as the resolution is made, it feels oppressive, insistent, and needy. All that expectation!
So, my resolution this year is: Enough of resolutions!
Instead, let’s think about Intentions.
I can’t claim this idea as my own …. it’s one I’ve borrowed from a meditation by Justin Williams on the brilliant ‘Insight Timer’ app. Intentions are a foundation of yoga practice and often feature in meditation, but this concept really struck a chord with me, making me pause and reflect, and it’s been a point of team discussion here at ted towers in these early back-to-work January days.
What I liked most was the phrasing – the nuance of language. A resolution sounds hard, firm, demanding. Intention sounds, well, a lot nicer to be honest. Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for clear target setting, and can focus on making goals SMART with the best of them to make sure I Get Stuff Done (we’ve got a course for that by the way ???? https://www.tedlearning.co.uk/getting-stuff-done/ ) – but when it comes to self-improvement, things to make my life better, this softer ‘intention’ is more motivational for me.
An ‘intention’ is more of a plan, a purpose. The meditation in question uses a visualisation about your ideal future, noticing what this feels like, and focusing on what energy you need to cultivate in your life now to become more like the you in your ideal future. It’s less complicated than it sounds:
Here’s who you are now. Here’s who you want to become in your ideal life. There’s a gap between these – the gap is who you need to be – the gap is your intention. Notice that it’s not about ‘what do you need to do’ – but who do you need to be.
This ‘being’ is something I’ve written about before(https://www.tedlearning.co.uk/stop-doing-to-get-stuff-done/ ) but quite honestly I think we can never be reminded about it often enough, because it’s relevant not just to our personal lives & aspirations, but also to our working life and professional responsibilities. And in that serendipitous way the universe has, I logged into my emails on 3rd Jan to find one I’d sent to myself – and not got round to reading – back in November, bookmarking an article by Daniel Goleman about his new book ‘Why We Meditate’, full of lots of thought-provoking stuff about the links between meditation and the state of ‘being’ and improving our emotional intelligence (EI).
It’s not a connection that’s difficult to make: we know that high emotional intelligence – the ability to manage & understand your own emotions, and recognise the emotions of those around you – is a concept central to effective leadership. With two of the foundational concepts of emotional intelligence being self-awareness and self-regulation, it’s little surprise that anything that helps our busy brains to slow down and take stock is going to improve our EI. Our Emotional Intelligence course, (https://www.tedlearning.co.uk/emotional-intelligence/ ) delivered by one of our EI specialist trainers, helps individuals of all levels to better understand their emotions and manage relationships with a high level of emotional sensitivity. We work through different tips, techniques and skills that can be used in all areas of life to support improved emotional intelligence, many of which have their origins in practices such as meditation.
Meditation (or related concepts like mindfulness, yoga or journaling) gives us access to tools we can reach for when life is challenging – breathing techniques to support a calm outlook and avoid (or climb down from) being triggered; ways to focus our concentration when distractions threaten to derail us; reinforcement of the need to notice without judgement; a system for dialling into how we’re really feeling – mentally and physically. All of which support us to have a better understanding of how we’re feeling, how others are feeling, and how emotions are impacting behaviours – helping us to interact with those around us and grow more effectively: Meditation helps us to be.
So, along with continuing my meditation practice, for 2023, I’ll be focusing on my intention to help me move forwards. Improving my self-awareness and hopefully supporting greater self-regulation, it’ll be less ‘new year, new me’ and more ‘new year, future me’. Now that’s something I can definitely raise a glass to!
Roxy Hooton
Roxy is the is Director of Operations of ted Learning. She is a fundamental part of our team ensuring that our people are looked after and that our delivery is tailored to the clients needs and is ‘on-brand’.
